What makes a person, a parent?

As of late, I've been giving a lot of thought to one subject in particular. What makes a person into a parent? Is it the act of having a child that makes you a parent or is it the act of rearing a child that makes you a parent?



I came across an interesting quote that answers my questions, to a point.



"A genitor who does not parent the child is not its parent" (Ashley Montagu)



I'll admit that when reading this comment the first time I had to look up the word "genitor". For all of you reading this, it means, "giver of life".



Surely the act of giving birth would, in some aspect, make me a mother but would it automatically give me the right to be called a "Mom"? All over the world people ask this question of fathers; going so far as to call them "sperm donors". Mothers can be egg donors too, I suppose.



I suppose all of this is coming from fear on my part. Each day I love three children of whom I had no role in their births. I know that I do more for each of their children than their natural mothers do. I'm not saying that I love them more or less, just saying that I really do put a lot into trying to mold them into loving, functioning adults. Each of them is special to me in so many ways.



Jr. - My first child. In the beginning, there was only him. That mischievous grin that told me he was surely up to no good, is one of my first and fondest memories of him. He stretches me in so many ways. As frustrating as he can be sometimes, he makes me a better person and makes me question things in ways I wouldn't otherwise. He's begun to question everything. Sometimes its like he's trying to pick fights, just to see me get riled. Sr keeps telling me not to take it personally. I'm trying. I'm learning a lot through this banter with him, though. Its made me question things on different levels. He is going to be an amazing man someday. I pray that as he grows, that he knows how much I've loved him from the very first time I saw him. He truly was love at first sight!



M - With a smile that lights the room, she came into our lives with such force and fervor. From the minute I held her the first time, I knew that she was a special little girl. Those blue eyes could melt the frozen tundra (and they have). Sometimes when I feel so overwhelmed that I can't figure out which side is up, she does something unexpected and suddenly the world it righted again. Recently, she's been really enjoying being read to. "Brown Bear" has become one of her favorites. She's begun to turn the pages for me as I read, right on queue. I went from wondering if she even understood what I was doing, to being amazed that she's following along.



Z - What can I say about that boy? Dear God, he's a handful! From the minute he wakes up to the second he falls asleep, he's demanding.... demanding attention, demanding a bottle, demanding a diaper change, demanding something! I get the most frustrated with him, I think. Just not being able to figure out what he wants sometimes is a task I just can't grapple with. Usually just when I think I've found the end of my rope, he stops just long enough for me to catch my breath and head back in. He is such a loving boy, though. His kisses (or dive bomb to the face) are the sweetest and out of the blue. All of a sudden he'll stop what he's doing and just plant one on ya. It usually cracks me up when he does it, which make him laugh and then, once again... a moment of fresh air.

My fear is this: will they know how much they were loved? As Jr grows into the man he's sure to become, will he know how dearly he was loved and will he pass that love to his children? I don't think a teenager is capable of understanding the magnitude of love that their parents have for them. I remember thinking that my parents were raising me because it was what was expected of them to do. I know differently now, of course, and I hope he does too as he becomes an adult. My fear with the twins is slightly different. There is some part of me that still fears that someday I'll be faced with having to let them go back. Should that happen, I wonder if they will know how much they were loved and cherished while they were here. My heart would break if any of the three were to be away from me for any length of time.

I love each of them in so many different ways. To explain it would take up the entirety of cyberspace. They are, each one, very endearing and special. Sometimes I wonder why I do this. Why do I spend all my time, energy and money on raising other people's children?? The answer is simple. Because they deserve it!

That leads me back to my original question. What makes a person into a parent? I think the answer is "Love".

Another trip complete...

As many of you may or may not know, we travel to North Carolina once a month for visitation. A little background may be needed so let me elaborate. My son (aka step son - bet lets not get technical) has one weekend a month in which he visits with his mother in Greensboro, NC. The twins' parents (aka niece and her husband - but lets not get technical) are supposed to meet there too for a short supervised visit with the twins. They were, once again, unable to make it.

I packed up the kids on Friday afternoon and headed to my parents' house. Sr had been out of town for over a week and I was very happy to hear that he decided to stop and spend some time with us before continuing his trip back home. His original plan was to leave early Saturday morning and head back home so that he could get back to work. Thankfully, my big brown eyes did the trick and I convinced him to stay until Sunday morning. It was nice to have him there!

Saturday morning I was shocked and amazed that both babies... yes... I'll say that again... both babies slept until 8:45 AM!!! So not only was I pleased as punch to be snuggling with my honey but I was able to sleep past 6:30. What a blessing!!!

Sr got up and took Jr to meet with his mom (the other one - just in case you were wondering). While he was gone my sister, in her hurried fashion, ran around getting the last minute things for the birthday party they were throwing for the twins. I helped to finish cleaning up the house, dress the babies and myself (thankfully - no one wants me showing up naked to a birthday party). Meanwhile my nieces & mother are really helping out with the twins. Its nice to have more than one set of hands with these two. I never really realize how much I do in a day with them until I have someone else helping.

Party time - people begin to arrive! Sis has done an amazing job on the food. We had fresh fruit, veggies, crackers, chips - each with their own form of dip - mostly made of CRACK! Yum! We opted for cupcakes instead of a large cake. I think that was a much better choice.... not that the babies liked it any better. Sitting around listening to the cacophony that is my family is one of my favorite things! We are so loud and obnoxious! But you can feel the love! When it was time to give the babies their cupcakes, we stripped them down and put them in their seats. As we were singing Happy Birthday, the screaming began! After many attempts at getting them to try their cakes, we gave up. But not until we had a few photo ops. My mother figured it out.... We strip them down to their diapers, strap them down in a chair, sit a cup cake in front of them and then all these people start yelling at them (singing happy birthday). I imagine its pretty scary! Of course if I hadn't wanted them to get into it.... it would have been ON!

Sunday morning the babies slept in a little again. I was a happy woman!

Hubby left mid morning and T, J & the Girls came by after church. I love simply hanging out with them. The girls are always a treat. Later a couple of my (many) cousins dropped by. Again.... a blast!

That night, my Niece spent the night. I tried to hang with her and Mom but they are way too good at this night owl thing. I'm a little out of practice. We watched scary shows and made cracks the whole time. I read all the scary captions in my tiny goofy voice and RR laughed her patootie off! What a time....

Next morning, back on the road. As much as I dislike that ride home, getting home is always such a relief. I'm so thankful that we live so close to them that I can have these weekends. But I wish they were closer! I miss having them close by. My Sis and I were having a conversation the other day about how nice it would be. I'd have someone I could leave the kids with for the weekend and sneak some hubby time in, and she'd have the same. Although she has that now. I'm the one without... boo hiss!

Well enough for now. I didn't realize I was writing a novel.

Oh, wait... I did have one thing I felt I needed to get off my chest. Speaking of writing...... I know that blogging is supposed to be a place where anyone can go and talk about anything they so choose. My problem is.... if you're going to invite people to read your blog, spell check. I know I know... petty, right?!?! It drives me crazy. I know that I'm not perfect - or even close, for that matter. I'd simply like to read something that makes sense. People need to pay attention! I guess maybe some people type like they talk. That drives me crazy too. If I offend anyone... I'm sorry. But I needed to say it was driving me crazy!